“Faith is having to courage to let God have control”
Since I can remember I have never been someone to ask anyone for anything. I think this started with my mum, I would ask her for something and she’d say no, so I grew with the belief that if I ask my mum for anything she’ll say no. Though it was nice for her because I never cried for anything in the shop, it has now become a sort of problem. I find it very hard to ask anyone for help, I’d much rather suffer by myself than ask someone for help, and when/if I do ever ask, I have already weighted out the chances of the person helping or not. This may or may not be a problem depending on which side of the fence you sit concerning independent females. But has now become a problem affecting my relationship with God; where I have carried on this believe of not wanting to ask God for anything because, what if he doesn’t answer? If I ask and he doesn’t answer, how is he still an all sovereign God? How can I trust and believe in someone that can’t answer me?
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. Mark 11:24 (NKJV)
These questions and reasoning is the main reason I don’t ask, to the point that the more desperate I am the less likely I am to ask (other than when I couldn’t see any other way out of a situation). And now as I’m thinking about it, it shows that I have the smallest amount of faith in God. I believe and love Him enough but when it comes to needing something I am hesitant to ask.
But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Don not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 (NLT)
I think that once I learnt about His permissive will and perfect will, it just left me more weary to ask, because I can ask Him for something that won’t “harm me” but is not in His plan and He may give it to me.
But I’ve learnt that is why you need to have a relationship with Him, the way I try to reason it is; if I have a close relationship with my mum most of the time I’ll know what she expects of me that things that I should and shouldn’t do, and how she’d react if she knew. So applying that same logic to my relationship with God, if I truly have a close and intimate relationship with Him, I’ll know what He does and doesn’t want me to do. So now that question becomes; do I have a close and intimate relationship with God.
that your faith shold not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2:5 (NKJV)
These last few months have exposed my level of faith and my relationship with God. I have been looking for a job for what seems like the longest time, but in all the applications, tests and interviews, nothing has come up, and at times I’ll have this feeling of depression about my situation. This is a prime example of me needing God to do something for me but me choosing not to ask for fear of Him not answering. The reason I’m giving this example is to challenge myself; I’ve asked God and I’ve said that I’m leaving it to God to give me His best, I’ll keep applying whilst engaging my faith and remain assured that God only wants His best for me and His best is yet to come, it’s only a matter of time.
Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NKJV)