So I’ve been gone for a while….
I’m sure you didn’t notice, but I thought I would share with you my heart on why I had disappeared.
Writing these blog posts has helped me develop my relationship with God, hearing what He has to say to me and the lessons He’s trying to teach me from the things that are happening around me every day. But at a point I became so overwhelmed, I knew what God wanted me to do and I got scared (can you imagine after years of asking God what He wants me to do, He tells me and I get scared). I suddenly had this fear of failure; God has asked me to do something, what if I don’t do it properly? or it doesn’t work out the way God has shown me? How will God ever forgive me?
I then decided to do something that God had CLEARLY told me not to do. I think I did that just to have some control of one aspect of my life, everything was fast spinning out of my control and I needed control of at least this one aspect of my life. Needless to say it was a pointless venture, because no matter how hard I tried it would not work, I think the reason it didn’t work was because I knew what God had told me and many times He’d remind me that this wasn’t His plan for me. I even had the audacity to think that I could do what I wanted and what God wanted at the same time.
“…Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? “ (ESV) 2 Corinthians 6:!4
This was a real life dramatisation of this scripture, and God would constantly remind me that I need to let go. So I guess that’s the point I’m at now…
Let Go and Let God
I know that what I’m meant to do was given to me by God and if I am obedient He will help me get through and achieve it all. I have no need to be afraid of failure.