Most women are built with two desires in life; to be a mother and/or be a wife. For me being a wife has never been of much importance to me, though being a mother has always been a desire. In my younger days I would think about being a single mother (considering how living without a dad affected me so much it was weird that what I wanted was to be a single mother), I was mentally willing to be a mother and not a wife. This ideology may have been because I watched my mum do it by herself for so many years, and she made it look so easy, plus I looked at the marriages around me and knew that marriage isn’t the life I desired (looking like a nightmare on legs).
I know the bible says in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord”, but am I even a good thing to be found. Not in the sense that I’m not good enough, but do I really want to be someone’s wife (again).
The bible also says that children are a blessing from God, but for most of my pregnancy and the first year of my daughter’s life, nothing felt like a blessing (though I feel like this feeling was worsened because of my “marriage”). I’ve written previously about my daughter and the circumstances to which she was conceived, I could never see how God would use this situation for His glory.
Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:17-18
Until recently I hadn’t fully realised that being a single mother is hard work (though most African mothers’ function as a single mother). I always had the support of my mother, who would help me with everything, but she had to go home for a month, which left me on my own. Then the penny dropped, I’m a single mother.
And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8
It reminded me of a period in my life when we had been homeless (only 3 months), during this period I had a pre taster into what it would be like to be a single mother. After having a moment recently where I felt defeated, the Holy Spirit reminded me of all I had been through with Grace in that hotel room (you may think “hotel room, that’s not homeless?”, but living with a 1-year-old in hotel, is like living in a bush). How He had provided food, and given me wisdom on how to do things. I knew in that moment that all I was going through now, He has prepared me for, He strengthened me at that time to endure, and He would do the same again.
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1