For the past couple of weeks I have been taking time for myself. As I previous wrote about “8 tips for a single person”, the one tip that I have been focused on is seeking a whole life as a single person. In knowing myself I’ve come to realise a weakness in my character; I am not able to fully commit. I may be fully into a situation for a season, but at some point I’ll get bored and lose interest. This is reflected in my relationship with God, I’ve found it hard to stay connected with God.
Am I the only one that has days, weeks even, of feeling disconnected from God? No matter what you try to do. I just have a sense like I’m on my own. Despite waking up every morning to pray and reading my bible; what started out as searching the scriptures to know God more and build my relationship with God, quickly turned into a ritual-like routine. I started to question myself, why I felt this way, maybe I’ve sinned or I no longer have faith, but it was neither of those reasons, I just felt distant. To the point that I considered that this week I wouldn’t post a piece, because if I can’t hear God as normal, how am I possibly going to know what to write (these posts are literally conversations I have with God), so if I can’t hear Him, what am I going to do?
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. John 15:4 (NKJV)
Maybe there is something else that I am more connected to than God. Maybe there is something that has pushed God from the centre of my life and moved Him to the sidelines and now that, that thing isn’t as interesting or exciting anymore, I’m looking for God; thinking He’s quiet when really I’m the one that has put Him on the sideline, and He’s waiting for me to call Him back to the centre, to remove all that has occupied my time, my mind and my heart, and surrender everything back to Him.
Being sensitive to the presence of God and knowing when you are out of his presence, is the best way to identify when you are disconnected. I personally think that most of the time it’s not the presence of God that leaves us, but we that walk out of the presence of God.
“The test of your faith is not when God’s presence is real or you can see God at work in your life. The real test of your faith is when God seems distant. Do you seek Him then?”
Sometimes I wonder if this feeling of distance between myself and God, is an indication that this new person or thing maybe sent as a distraction. I’ve learnt that when I’m feeling confident that I’m ok or God has got me, to the point that I don’t have to think too much about God. That is when the enemy sends anything and anyone to distract me and create distance between myself and God.
When I feel this distance/disconnect from God, I know that it is time to disconnect from everything else, so that I can reconnect to the main source.
But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29 (NKJV)